hug time

Do you have eyes and arms?

baby hugs.jpg

Ten years ago, while out on a date at a Tavolata, Ethan Stowell’s deliciously, fancy Italian restaurant in Belltown, we delved into the topic of physical traits we were drawn to. Joking I said, “eyes and arms.” It was a quick, flippant comment, with some actual depth behind it. 

Let me explain.

Yes, I would prefer my significant other to have a pair of eyes and two functional arms, but all joking aside, it is these physical body parts that give me a sneak peek into the person they belong to.


Eyes hold so much truth and personality. Personally, I want to look at someone with kind eyes; someone who will listen not only with their ears but with their eyes. Intention – whether kind or malicious – can be seen in someone’s eyes. Quite simply, when in fear, when in love, when in distress, when simply needing a hug, I want someone to look me in the eye and with a single glance confirm, ‘all is well, whether I understand you completely or not, I’ve got your back.’ In the same vain, I want someone to look me in the eye when I’m out of line and lovingly tell me to redirect my gaze to a better path.


Similar to eyes, arms are important in the sense of comfort. I want a hand to hold and a hug that means business. No sloppy, loosey-goose hugs for me. Bring you’re A-game, dude!

Charlotte, the genius eight-legged star of Charlotte’s Web explained, “With the right words, you can change the world.”

Yes, words, whether spoken out loud or repeated in our minds, are crucial, but so are our actions.

With children, as I realized this morning while cuddling my gangling 5-year old back to sleep at 5:30 a.m., I value the same traits in them as I do in a significant other. As their mother, I’m confident they look for the same thing in me: comfort, safety, truth, eye-to-eye contact when both right and wrong, and strong arms to embrace them when scared, mad, tired, or sad…or just because.

I love the book Hug Time for that very reason.

“The world is so big and yet so small. It’s time that we embrace it all. That’s something that we all can do. Start with the one closest to you.”

I realize this is a silly, simple post, but.....

If I need to remind myself after four, quiet (and selfish) days without my children, that we all need some love; that along with the sappy, mind-blowing moments, there will be the opposite extreme of disobedience, whininess, and 1am wake up calls because a finger hurts, I figured I wasn’t alone.

Perhaps you needed to be reminded that a gentle, thoughtful touch, or a simple glance that says ‘I forgive you, I really like you’ is always in fashion….and always welcomed. Perhaps this is a reminder to be abundantly grateful for the sweet moments, but not sideswiped and discouraged by the darker opposites.

Let this be the reminder to hug those you love…a little longer, a little tighter. To look them in the eye and say what you need to say, hopefully in love and not selfish gain. To see them for who they are, not someone you want them to be. To accept the good, with the not so good.


No recipe.

No nutrition advice.

No health and beauty tip.

Simply a request to choose. To make the choice, which you’ve always had, to love well today.


Tell me, are you a hugger? A hand holder? An eyes and arms kind of person? Or is physical touch and quality time, not your thing?