It's all grace.

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It's easy to blame others.

My computer. My kids. My boss. The other driver. BART delays.

Yet most of the time it's me. Ok, lately it's been been my lame, "vintage" computer that needs some updating. But even that falls back in my lap. I'm the common denominator.

Since early spring, I've been saying I lost my groove after Christmas - 2016. Yet it's still missing, nine months later. While some mighty fine things have come to fruition, I'm still in shock it's already September. Now the pressure is on.

Or is it?

I guess you could say since completing my Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification in December, I've gone into double-time work mode. Working from 8-5, single parenting, commuting close to 2 hours, cleaning, cooking, working my side gigs at night and on the train. It seemed feasible, until I didn't want to do it anymore. The passion faded.  

I'm far from perfect and recognize my flaws, yet when I've lost myself in the muck and mire of being an adult, clocking in and out of the daily grind, and having minimal fun, I'm not a great coach. When my own health has become a weak bystander, how can I coach others on their healthy habits? When I'm tired and impatient, how can I be the best mom I desire to be? 

No doubt it's a catch-22. I'm working hard to achieve the outcome of defining my own schedule, being my own boss, and ultimately being more available for my daughters. But the process I've created is not sustainable. No one is winning.

 Jim Rohn says we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Hmmmm, okay. Well, I spend 8 hours surrounded by engineers, that I don't necessarily engage with. I live with two irrational, selfish creatures who use incessant tactics to gain my attention. Time with my friends is brief as life beckons and pulls in other directions. So who is shaping my environment, for better or worse?

That being said, I was blessed to spend Labor Day weekend with some really cool people at a mastermind event. For two days I surrounded myself with wicked smart entrepreneurs, and let me tell you, it was not only inspiring but there were definitely game-changing sparks! 

If you know Sean Croxton, you know he dropped some truth bombs about the power of our mind, fear, setting intentions and taking action. If you need daily motivation check out his Quote of the Day show. I promise it will set the tone to have a kick-ass day. 

Dave of PaleoHacks, whipped us into shape when it comes to website basics and blogging.

Ella, from OnairwithElla, talked about Impostor Syndrome, how to crush fear, and how to take action to daily choose and create a life that energizes us. 

Jake Ducey, whom I had first heard on the Sessions, was every bit as hippy as I expected him to be, and it was awesome. Reiterating Ella's discussion, he focused on the PROCESS, the daily steps we need to take in the process to create the outcome we want, without getting hung up on the outcome. Developing a practice of process will get us there.

Getting back to GRACE.

Christine Hassler, who I also first heard on the Sessions, capped our event with some incredible coaching. My time with her, as well as witnessing shifts in others, allowed me to recognize it's ok to take a step back. I had been going, going, going, trying to prove I could do it all. All for what?

People effing love to tell me how amazing I am for doing it all as a single mom. Lead in questions, always start with, "I don't know how you do it, but it seems to be working!"

Actually no, it's not working. It's lonely. It's hard. It's sad a lot of the time. I'm constantly moving money around to pay bills. I don't get as much sleep as I'd like to be a nice person. There may or may not be a pile of laundry on my couch or still in the dryer at all times (is there a service for someone to fold my clothes?). I'm not able to do a lot of things. It's not ideal. I can't really say it's working, but I'm grateful we're functioning and I can provide a roof over my head, and yummy food to eat (most of the time). 

Not that I needed permission, but Christine articulated it for me. It's ok. Perhaps you're burned out and you need to take a step back. Reevaluate this is your time - that you can invest in the process, which is time consuming, all consuming, and sometimes hard. It's ok to wait, there is nothing to prove RIGHT NOW. Don't miss out on the NOW by forcing something else.

And like that, the pressure was off.

I'm not giving up, in fact, more than ever, I'm more excited to work with clients. However, the pressure was released.  

That's good stuff right there! 

As my wonderful friend can attest, as I was texting her up until I walked into the conference room, I was nervous to attend the event. Was it going to be worth it? Did I even belong there? What the hell am I doing? 

In every sense it was worth it. I highly recommend bschool and a mastermind event with Sean and his pals. If for nothing else, to enjoy the bootchcraft and interesting conversations that come after your hard days work absorbing new knowledge. 

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So what are you afraid of doing or not doing? What's holding you back of sharing the unique gifts you've been entrusted with? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Who is your tribe of 5? I want to know!